Possible Solution: Go to the store and buy some.
Hypothetical Result: Lose the 10 minutes of sleep I wasn’t going to get anyway considering how locked into another season of Law and Order: SVU I am, and go to bed comforted by the thought that I can wake up, pop one in the blender with an assortment of other healthy crap and start my day off right.
Actual Result: Guilt and panic. Granted these feelings stem from the poor planning and utter laziness that characterizes most of my free nights and could easily have been prevented by a quick jaunt into the grocery store on my way home from work. However, given the extent of my ability to be completely careless when it comes to maintaining my banana supply, I am now stuck at home, pajama clad, staring at my kitchen counter and waiting for a bushel of slightly green bananas to spontaneously appear on my yuppie banana hook and beg to be eaten. Standing here I begin to feel intense rushes of guilt: “good job, Corie, now you’re going to be stuck eating peanut butter toast AGAIN tomorrow morning and the unopened-vacuum-packed frozen berries are going to get freezer burn OVERNIGHT, not to mention the fact that the apple juice in the fridge is about to expire and OMG you’re SO wasteful!” My psyche can be a real bitch sometimes. But, oh wait, after the guilt-inspiring inner monologue, I can always expect the panic that accompanies minor and obviously inconsequential shifts in my daily routine. I find myself searching every cabinet and drawer, every nook and cranny of my refrigerator and freezer, attempting to track down at least a single fragment of a banana that will make my morning routine stay intact. Finally, panting, I give up, having scoured my ice cube trays for the third time since my search began hoping that banana slices had made a bid for freedom and leapt heroically from the container I freeze them in and landed tragically amidst some blocks of frozen water. I walk, defeated, back into the living room, consider my breakfast plans briefly, and decide to resume my search in the morning while clutching my daily 20oz dose of coffee and trying to problem solve my way around being sans smoothie for the day.
What if Harry Potter had been sorted into Slytherin?
The bigger barn gets back next week, meaning I’m back down to 40 hour work weeks (YES!).
I have my book lined out in my head.
Next week, I put the pen to paper and start WRITING :)
Now: ON MEXICAN TIME
Next: LIFE OF PI
“Hell,” I said. “I love you enough now. What do you want to do? Ruin me?”
“Yes. I want to ruin you.”
“Good,” I said. “That’s what I want too.
Two lovers, hands entwined and faces almost touching stand peacefully at the edge of the angry sea. Ocean spray lands cautiously on their skin, each droplet almost purposefully at attention, trying not to mar the scene by forcing either of the two off balance. The sky writhes in pain, grey clouds unleashing their fury upon the land. Empty cliffs hang like battalions in the distance, watching the pair as they try to hold onto each other in the path of the rolling storm.
He pulls back slightly, eyes boring into hers as another wave crashes against the surrounding landscape. The rocks that were anchoring their feet to the ground begin to crumble away, falling into the water and forcing them off balance. Her pink lips are parted, silently communicating with him in an unknown language. Green eyes staring into blue, trying to reason with this place, she opens her mouth to speak. His fingers caress her cheek, now pink and alive from the cold, and he begins to walk backwards, slowly releasing her until only fingertips are touching.
She blinks and is suddenly alone, gazing out into an unadulterated sea.
I decided against registering for classes because, well, a, I sort of put it off until the last minute, and b, my program wouldn’t start until Summer 2013 (provided that I continue down this path) so there’s no point in taking care of the 6 classes I need NOW… so I’m starting next term :)
I’m registering as a volunteer at Providence Medical Center just to make sure that I REALLY want to go into Nursing … should be exciting.
I’m working at the barn 5 days a week for about 3-4 hours a day and am having an absolute blast. The plus side to living at home is that I have no real need to get a stupid 8-5 that I hate just so I can pay my bills. I can pay for everything I need to without issue on my current income.
I’m reading. LOADS. My insomnia returned as soon as Z left so I’m finding my way back from that…
My love of activity is being catered to: I quit the regular gym, and am rejoining the rock gym this week (fingers crossed for no injuries this time)!
What else ? I’m totally, and completely lost. I’m happy in the sense that I have the time and energy to do whatever I want to do and be happy doing it but I have so much pressure on me from all sides that I feel like I’m living in a continuous state of blind panic regarding my lack of “SET” goals. I loved college, I had the best time of my life going to class, living on my own, traveling with the team, working 25 hours a week. LOVED it. But now, I’m bouncing back and forth between nursing and… nothing. My options are: go back to school, or get an office admin job that you hate just so you can pay your bills when you move out. And the issue here is that I won’t really know what I want to do until I start school again.
GAHHHH. How can I be so perfectly happy with my life and yet so confused? I get to spend my days riding horses, reading, working out, and my relationship is, well, aside from long distance, fabulous.
I’m going to have to sit down, put my mind to something, and figure out how to accomplish it.
Wish me luck ..