Sometimes I wish I could just go numb.

I spent a fair amount of time today comforting a friend who’s coming out of/ in the process of repairing, what can be classified as a parasitic relationship.  Essentially, she is far too fantastic to not be treated as such, and I love her for her strength throughout this process.  All of this occurred after spending a good portion of last night texting her in the throes of an emotional sandstorm that I stupidly unleashed upon myself in a moment afflicted by poor timing, poor phrasing, and overly-idealistic romantic notions. And I realized something.  We, my group of female friends at least, are independent, strong, intelligent, and driven.

We are also all creative.  A by-product of this combination is that as fabulous as we all can be, we are also far more volatile than most women because we get so wrapped up in our own “perfect” versions of how things should be that when reality hits us with something that completely contradicts our vision, we have to recover from the self-inflicted damage.

There is nothing wrong with idealism.  I am a self-identified idealist.  But, going from cloud 9 in one moment to sub zero in the next can leave you reeling for days. And we sit and wait for the next domino to fall, for them to make that next move that will allow us to move forward and return to reality.  Whether coming off of a fight, a misplaced word, a break up, or simply a conflict of interest, we who spend our days creating, can end up in a cycle of accidental emotional destruction.  This cycle, once reflected upon, is generally unfounded and based often on high emotions and stemmed by a few glasses of wine.  But, it takes time and a few bouts of external reassurance to understand that.  Even after the millionth time.

So, I, heavily dosed with natural sedatives, am shutting down my brain for the night and trying to relax my overly-sensitive and intensely-feeling mind and heart for as long as I possibly can.  I hope everyone else can do the same thing.

Day 18

I can’t just pick one show … but the majority of my quotes come from and many of my insomnia-induced TV sessions result in viewing the following shows:

Supernatural

Friends

True Blood

3rd Rock From the Sun

Archer

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Buffy

… to name a few … :-)